Inhumane
by As-Long-As-I'm-Around
Summary: 'Being afraid isn't weak. This attack was by humans, Clary. We aren't supposed to be on the watch for them too. Humans aren't meant to be scarier then demons. Demons are inhumane, humans aren't mean to be inhumane.'
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I am totally obsessed and in love with this whole series, I read 2 of the books in 24 hours. I love Jace and would like to tie myself to him and be with him forever. Unfortunately I'm not Clary and it's not real, and I think I have problems.**

**Anyway it's my first time writing them, probably stuffed it up, probably don't care, probably going to flame me anyway, probably don't also care about that... **

**^And before anyone has a cry of how rude I sound, I'm not trying to be rude it's just how I am...which is not rude...I just don't care for people that like to sit behind a computer all day and flame people that really actually try. It's cruel. **

**Anyway whatever you have to say about it will all be appreciated, if you can take the time to say anything :) **

x.x

_Don't let Jace see._

She was almost chanting it over and over in her head, teeth grinding against teeth, her bones feeling like lead as she forced herself down the last street. Maybe she was going into shock or something because-_no, she couldn't think about it, not yet_-well, just because. Because all she could feel was those four words riveting through her, almost as sure as the blood pumping through her veins, the beating of her heart that was at a much faster pace than it should be. That was probably the adrenaline.

She _should_ be feeling all sorts of other things, not this strength of motivation.

She could just imagine the two Lightwood's reactions.

_"Humans? You let a human do this? Clary, what were you thinking? I sure as hell wouldn't have let him even touch me."_ That would be Isabelle scoffing, her eyes incredulous, shaking her head with disapproval.

_"See? Her lack of knowledge and training in situations as dire as these are just going to end up hurting us all."_ And that would be Alec, glaring at her. Maybe his glare would be a bit softer as he realised she _did _actually get hurt.

And Jace, well Jace…

She could almost feel his eyes burning through her, and she looked down at her chest just in case.

Nope, unbelievably she was still intact.

_Don't let Jace see._

She blew out a shaky breath as unsteady legs carried her to the first step. She stopped, bringing her jacket tighter around her, ignoring her body as it protested at these slight movements. Movements that she shouldn't even have to think about, that her brain was already programmed to do.

Movements that only hurt because-

Well. Just because.

_Don't think about it. You can break as soon as you're in the room. Just focus on what will happen if you run into Jace. If you run into anyone. _

She blew out another breath, trying to draw strength from the stale air around her. But all that it did was bring echoes of what had happened a few blocks earlier, and she started to shiver even harder.

Maybe she should just go home tonight. That wouldn't be weird, right? She could just say she called her mother-Jocelyn would be thrilled to have her home for the night. She started to turn away, when the old door groaned, and then creaked open slowly. Clary glared at it.

"Traitor." She hissed.

Knowing that now she had now had no other choice, she started the painful ascent. No matter how slow she went, trying to adjust her movements to ease the pain of her body, it still seemed to scream at her with every step. She felt like screaming back, and never stopping. She was unsure if the tightness of her chest was because of the pain, or because of the small stabs of fear she was beginning to experience. She stopped at the door, where darkness lay ahead of her. Breathing out a sarcastic chuckle at the irony of that, she made her way in, the door closing quietly behind her, as if saying, _I'm not a traitor, I can help you, see how quiet I am? _

Clary padded down the hallway, pressing her toes into the tiles as small lights flickered on. She passed the kitchen where she could hear the familiar murmur of voices, hear the opening of the fridge and cupboards and items being set down.

"Isabelle really-I'm fine."

"You are not _fine,_ Alec. You're _sick,_ and I'm going to cook you something to make you better!"

"If you cook him something, Izzy, it will make him more sick." Jace said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

_"There is nothing wrong with my cooking!"_ Isabelle screeched, and Clary could imagine her eyes shooting sparks, an object pointing at Jace's chest, almost digging into it with each word.

Clary trudged past, holding her breath.

"Izzy dear. Everything is wrong with your cooking."

"Yeah? Well everything is wrong with you!" She head Alec's snort which was poorly covered by a dry sounding cough.

"Iz, you've been eating your cooking too much. It's gone to your head. Clearly you were meant to say nothing is wrong with me."

"Why on earth would I say that?"

"Because, well, have you looked at me?"

Clary could imagine his cocky grin, the way his golden eyes would brighten and crinkle around the edges as he tossed a careless hand through his tousled hair, that was also as golden as his eyes. It was unfair to be as good looking as Jace Wayland.

Except for her, of course.

Clary kept walking.

And walked straight into the door.

She rebounded, staggering backwards, and slipped over her two feet.

There was a silence in the kitchen.

"Well, I guess Clary is home." That was Alec.

Shit, shit _shit._

Footsteps sounded dangerously close to her, and she pulled her jacket tighter around her, brought her hands up to her hair and smoothed it around her face before standing up slowly.

"Clary, are you alright?" That was Isabelle, and although there was some concern in that tone, there was also amusement. She felt gentle hands on her arms, which steered her around to face the trio.

Jace. She kept her eyes trained onto the floor; she didn't need to see him to feel his calculating look.

"I'm just tired, obviously wasn't looking. Don't worry, Alec, I'll work on it in my training." It was as if she was replying to the cruel one in her head.

Alec and Jace glanced at each other, Alex's eyebrows knitted in confusion, and one of Jace's cocked in response. This motion went unnoticed by Clary.

"Clary." She loved the way he said her name. Like he treasured saying it, his love for her coming out all in those five letters. It was as if he took great care in saying her name, letting his tongue caress it gently.

But she didn't love it right now. She loved confinement and safety _and being alone._

"What's happened?" Concern rolled off Jace in waves that threatened to crush her, his eyes boring into her with an intensity that wrapped around her neck, almost choking her. Alec and Isabelle also stood watching Clary and scrutinising her.

"'M tired."

She went to turn around, but Jace's hands only tightened around her arms, keeping her firmly in place. Isabelle stepped forward, trying to have a closer look at the girl she considered a best friend. She knew something was wrong by the way Clary was holding herself and not meeting anyone's eyes, and Isabelle felt a strong response to these observations.

Clary felt this, and tried to take another step backwards. The tension in the air grew thick as they began to realize that something was wrong. Clary began to tremble at this shift. She hadn't even said anything, shown anything. They could pick up on it by the way she was acting. She felt oddly touched at this, before it hit her why she was hiding this _and why they couldn't know. _

A surge of adrenaline pulsed through Clary, spreading through her and up to her hands, causing them to reach out and to shove Jace.

Yes, tiny, weak Clary managed to send Jace a few good feet away. She then turned on her heel and, calling upon the strength that the adrenaline had given her, set off in a sprint, leaving them dumbfounded.

"What the actual fuck?" She heard Alec's cry of disbelief.

"I've got it Izzy." Jace's voice sounded cool, but even in her state Clary could hear the cracks in it.

"She may need a girl, Jace!"

"Well she's getting me whether she likes it or not!"

"Jace, let me go. You can go in after me."

"There is something wrong. You can't expect me to just wait. You know I don't operate like that, not when it comes to Clary."

She made it to her room, shutting the door behind her, cutting off their conversation. She hurried to her bedside and pulled out the steele that was hanging off one of the bedposts. Quickly she drew on the door, cringing at the fact that Robert and Mayrse would throw a fit at the mess she was making.

Oh, and Jace and Izzy probably wouldn't be happy when they figured it out either. She had just finished and placed the steele back in its place, and had curled up under the covers when the knocking started.

The doorknob rattled, and then there were muffled curses.

"Guys I'm okay. I just-I, I just need to be alone! It happens, ask Izzy!"

In the moment's silence, Clary congratulated herself at how she had managed to keep her voice steady and had given a reasonable excuse.

She was one step away from saying "it's that time of the month!"

"Izzy screeches and gets angry. Or she gets depressed. She doesn't act scared, Clary." Jace had caught on.

"Scared was putting it midly." Izzy put in gently, concern wrapping around each word.

"You got that out of a minute?"

"Yep!" Jace popped the "p".

"I know you Clary. That's why I know something is wrong. Now open this door or else I'll kick it down."

"You will do no such thing Jace. Clary, do you want a girl to talk to?"

Clary was tempted by Izzy's offer, but she knew the girl would have no choice but to tell. So all Clary said was,

"I'd like to see you try."

Her voice was soft and smug all at the same time. There was a heavy silence before Jace replied to this challenge.

"You put up a rune." His voice was so soft that it was deadly. Her body trembled under the stabs of fear that went through her as she realized the gravity of what she had just done.

She had just sealed their suspicions into revelations-there was something wrong.

"Clary." Jace said in that same tone, and Clary felt chills racing each other down her spine, leaving behind a tingling sensation.

"Open this door." She gripped the blankets tighter, her fingers going white.

"No," she choked out.

"Jace-"

"Clary, please." The emotional force behind those two words drove Clary under the blankets. Jace sounded, well, he sounded a lot of things but he also sounded hurt that she was pushing him away like this.

"It's nothing Jace. I just want to go to bed. Please leave me alone."

"I can't." His tone had dropped to a whisper.

"I can never leave you alone." Clary's heart faltered against her chest, and she pressed a hand over her chest to make sure it hadn't stopped. Breaths tore out of her throat, and she could hear her gasps as well as feel them as her body shuddered through each one.

"Jace, listen to her. Something is wrong. I know you love her but she's obviously stressed. She needs a girl. I am an expert on this, go!"

"And I am an expert on Clary. " Jace was glaring at Isabelle now, his arms folded against his chest.

"Jace." Isabelle whispered, her expression understanding and her eyes unusually soft.

"I think something bad happened. I think-I think you will scare her or she's scared of your reaction."

Jace froze at this.

"Something bad." He repeated, his glare hardening, his fists clenching. His mouth felt dry, and his body felt too-it felt too tight.

Isabelle watched him carefully.

"See how you're already reacting-"

"Damn well I'm reacting this way, Izzy! It's Clary, if-"

"_And!_" Isabelle practically screeched as she cut him off before lowering her voice.

"You will scare her."

They stared each other down. Jace was not a force to be reckoned with, especially when it came to those that he fiercely loved, and Clary was on the top of that list.

"Do this for her. I'm not saying I won't tell you or she won't, I'm not saying she doesn't need you. But we don't know what happened Jace and you getting angry will not help." Her voice was now soothing, and she placed a hand softly onto his shoulder and squeezed. Jace closed his eyes and massaged his hand into his face, suddenly feeling bone aching weary.

"Izzy."

"I know." She squeezed his shoulder again and lifted her hand, pointing. And then said, with an apologetic look,

"Go." Jace hesitated before turning on his heel, doing the one thing he didn't want to do.

Walk away.

Isabelle watched him go with conflicting emotions, before turning back to the door and resting her head against it. She didn't know exactly how to do this, to be a friend to a girl. Although Isabelle's characteristic included fierceness and protectiveness, she wasn't used to having to use them for something that didn't involve a battle, for a daily life issue. She was just used to Alec who hardly needed protection, and Jace who was much like herself. They threw themselves into battle without thinking of the consequences. Isabelle found that she wanted to do this, to be a friend to Clary, to protect the girl and to help her.

"Clary, it's just me. Please open up. We won't let this slide, and it's probably best if you talk to me first." Her voice came out soft and soothing, something that was unusual for her.

There was a pregnant pause before Clary spoke.

"Please just let it go Izzy? There's nothing wrong. Just a bad night."

Isabelle thought about this.

"Clary, it goes further than that. You were…well, you were terrified."

"But I wasn't-I'm not. You're wrong."

Clary was as stubborn as Jace, no wonder the two were so good together.

"_Clary._ I'm not moving, and Jace won't be patient for much longer. Open this door." There was a reluctant sigh before Isabelle heard the sounds of someone moving. Feet cascaded to the door, and the sharp sound of metal against wood pierced at Isabelle's ears. Wincing, she took a step back, and then the door swung open.

Clary had moved back to the bed by the time Isabelle had walked in and shut the door quietly behind her. She stood appraising the girl thoughtfully, eyes narrowing as they skimmed over the shorter girl. Clary wrapped her jacket around herself defensively, covering her face into her knees. Isabelle had the sudden urge to wrap Clary in her arms, but just as quickly as she'd had it, it was gone. She walked over carefully, as if Clary was an injured animal and one wrong step could send her into frenzy flight.

"Clary will you please look at me?" Isabelle bent down to her level, eyes still skimming her over. Clary shook her head.

Isabelle stretched a hesitant hand forward, and lifted Clary's chin up.

Her eyes popped open wide, her mouth dropping in horror, but to her credit she did not stumble backward although her knees were a fraction away of giving out. Across Clary's face, ugly marks decorated the once beautiful pale skin, some streaked with dry blood and others starting to form bruises.

"Clary, what happened?" She breathed, eyes darting across her face before settling on her eyes. Clary's eyes were spitting green fires.

"Ran into a demon. I'm fine."

"Clary…" Isabelle didn't believe her. She took reached to take the jacket off, but Clary hugged it possessively around herself.

"No, don't."

"Clary take off the jacket." Although she demanded this request, she made sure her voice was still gentle.

"No." Clary's voice was definite, so Isabelle changed tactics.

"Why won't you take it off then?"

This stumped Clary, she seemed at loss for words and excuses as she glared at the corner of the room. Isabelle bit her lip, frowning at this, before standing up and sighing.

"You say this was a demon, yes?"

"Yes, it was." The response came automatically, as if programmed there. It seemed, to Isabelle, wrong. She looked carefully at Clary, and Clary dropped her gaze.

"I don't believe you. If this was a demon attack you would have come in and told us about it. You wouldn't be as scared as you were now, you wouldn't want to hide it from us. Which leads me to believe that a human did this to you."

She watched as Clary's body froze, and her chest began to heave. Her fists clenched into her jacket and gasps began to tear from an aching throat.

"What happened, what did they do to you?" Isabelle pressed on, her voice firmer now that she knew she was on the right track.

"It was, I… I can't…." Clary was panting now, and Isabelle moved to sit beside her. She placed an arm around Clary's shaking shoulders, pulling her into her side, and wrapped the other arm to shelter her.

"You can. You're safe now. What happened?"

"Jace will be furious, you and Alec will-"

"We'll what, Clary?" Isabelle cut her off, her voice sounding sharper than she'd meant it to.

"You think we'll judge you?" She couldn't help that some of the hurt she felt seeped into her words.

"I was weak." Clary breathed out.

"Being afraid isn't weak. This attack was by humans, Clary. We aren't supposed to be on the watch for them too. Humans aren't meant to be scarier then demons. Demons are inhumane, humans aren't mean to be inhumane Clary." And somehow, Clary's aching body managed to push out a sob that choked her.

"What happened?" Isabelle tried again.

"You can't tell Jace." Clary managed to get out, clinging onto Isabelle like a small child. Isabelle propped Clary up so that the two were eye to eye.

"Take off your jacket, Clary. I think, this goes deeper then abuse, doesn't it?" Isabelle whispered. Clary's eyes widened and Isabelle didn't have time to hold onto her as she shot out of her arms.

"Oh Clary." Isabelle's heart broke, because although Clary hadn't said anything, she had confirmed it with her actions.

"You have to tell Jace. We have to-"

"_We have to forget about it."_ Clary's eyes were darting around the room wildly and Isabelle stood up carefully.

"No, we can't. You can't."

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do! This happened to me. I get to decide how to handle it. I _at least_ get that choice!" Clary was yelling at this point, and Isabelle felt herself shattering at her words. Her heart was pounding so hard against her chest that it hurt, and her throat was dry when she swallowed up the words that all seemed wrong now.

"You can't forget this because it is impossible. It happened, Clary." Isabelle tried.

"It didn't, I can forget about it!"

"Not when Jace finds out." There was a dangerous silence to the room, both girls eyes locked to one another.

"Don't tell him." Clary choked out, her face twisted with pleading.

"I have to."

"You don't have to! This is my business. You can't. Please. You can tell him about the abuse but-"

"This hurt, this goes a lot deeper Clary. Abuse is one thing but-"

"Nothing else happened!" Clary screeched, grabbing her hair in clenched fists and tugging at it in her rage.

"Jace!" Isabelle called, defeated. Clary shook her head madly, tugging at her hair with tears racing down her face.

"Don't Izzy!" Clary saw her one last chance of escape by the far corner of her room.

The window. It called to her, promising her freedom and ignorance. She hurried over to it, ignoring the cries of her body, ignoring Isabelle yelling something as she pushed her out of the way. She had just gotten a leg through when arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her back in. Although she knew these arms, loved these arms, she still thrashed, trying to get out of their protective hold.

"Clary, Clary stop!" Jace's voice thundered over hers. The change in it had the desire effect on her, but for a different reason. Jace's voice, usually a soft, velvety musical voice, was now cracked from strains of emotions that filtered through, leaving it sounding dry and rough.

And not like Jace.

And Clary broke.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Ugh doing it from Jace's POV sucks. He's so perfect how he is so I'm sorry if I didn't get him right I tried god dang it. And sorry for the wait. I keep getting writer's block and losing my motivation, it sucks. **

**Reviews are my food and I'm hungry so please feed me! Haha thank you! **

x.x

If you had asked Jace what kind of super power he would have, he would have replied back calmly, with a smug air,

"Nothing for I am too good already. It would be unfair to give me anything else." And he would have given his fake, big smile that every girl and even guys seemed to love, and, for good measurement, would have thrown a wink in after.

Now, he wished for knowledge, because wasn't knowledge everything? Tonight, it was. He ached impatiently and down to the bone, feeling it with every pace he paced, before Alec had grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to sit down.

"She's been hurt, Alec."

"Yes, Jace. I know." Screw Alec and his calmness. Screw him and how he managed to stay in control, as if he owned it and it obeyed to him. Jace was a passionate person, but when it came to his work and to dealing with things, he hid them under a stoic face that had taken time to discipline.

But Clary wasn't work and she was just a thing. She was, well, she was everything to him.

"I want to know who hurt her. I want to know everything they did. Every detail. So then I can be accurate in my dealing with them." Alec's eyes passed over Jace, observing him intently.

"Seeing what just happened, I don't think she will be too open in her tellings." His voice was grim.

"She's telling me." Jace said firmly, leaving no room for argument. But Alec ignored his warning. He had to make his friend see that drilling Clary could only hurt her more. He knew that Jace was speaking out in anger, but for both Clary and his sake, Alec had to make him see now that he had to tread carefully. Like putting a toe in freezing water.

"Jace. I'm telling you this now because you might forget later in your anger. But Clary, she has probably been deeply hurt. You must not drill her. You must not yell in anger, no matter how much you need the release. You must think of her-"

"I am ONLY thinking of her!" Jace exploded. Alec waited before continuing.

"I know you are. But she is frightened. Don't spook her. I care about Clary too."

Jace turned away from Alec, breathing deeply. Alec moved closer and took a seat beside him, gently putting his hand on his friend's shoulder. Jace turned eyes that sparked out in emotions onto him, but Alec was not intimidated; he gave a gentle squeeze.

"All will be well in time."

Muffled voices and bangs brought the boys to their feet, and Isabelle's distressed and pleading calls to Jace saw the boys bolting up the stairs and to the room. Jace tore through the door first, and froze in fear.

Fear. There were only a few times he had been been scared to the bones, where it had chilled him and done something to his joints that made them lock up and unable to move at his command.

But Clary somehow managed to pull him out when she let out a strangled, wild cry and ran towards the window. Jace followed her, wrapping his arms around her small waist and dragging her back in. But this was not his Clary. She fought him every step of the way, her legs kicking, her body twisting as she tried to jerk out of his hold.

"Clary, Clary stop!" he tried to yell over her screams. It was not the volume of sound that made her obey, but the volume of his emotions that took hold of her, and stopped her in her actions.

The room fell to a sudden, chilling silence. It was too quiet, all too soon after the events had just occurred. Clary was still crying, he could feel it, but could not hear or see it. He could not hear anything except the ringing of his ears.

Until she spoke.

"Get off me!" The words were choked. She sounded as if it pained her to say them, even though there was a force behind it that Jace did not understand.

Or, that he didn't want to understand. He met Isabelle's own horrified look over Clary's shoulders. Alec stood dumbfounded at the door. For once, he didn't even know what to do.

Jace turned Clary around so that he was at the last point of exit, and then released her. He kept his arms at her sides though, offering what he could to her without touching her.

Clary drew a shuddering breath that seemed to rip from her stomach through to her chest. She wrapped her arms around herself, looking around the room wildly. Jace could see the wheels spinning around in her head as she looked for a way out.

"You can stop wasting time by thinking of how to get out. You're not going anywhere." Jace told her. Clary's eyes finally rested on his, and Jace faltered as he looked.

His Clary was broken. There were no other words for it. This went, this went beyond the point of physical abuse, and this scared Jace deeply. Scared him to the point of feeling like a helpless child that wanted nothing more than an adult to put their arms around him and tell him it was okay, and that they would make it okay.

"Clary. What's happened? Please tell me, beautiful girl." Jace's voice was only just above a whisper, and it took all of his strength to hold the anger down and out of his expression and out of his voice.

"Nothing. I'm fine. We're fine. Everything is fine."

"Clary, you are definitely not fine. Nothing about this is fine. Nothing about you right now, is fine." Jace's voice shook, and he clenched his fists and swallowed, as if he was swallowing the anger. But he couldn't, it stayed at the back of his throat, choking him.

"I'm going for a bath." Clary's voice was definite, he could hear the warning as she turned away from him.

She had taken one step when Jace moved.

"You're not going anywhere. Iz and Alec, if you will." Jace nodded grimly at them as he gently took Clary in his arms.

"Stop fighting me, Clary! I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you baby." Jace repeated over and over as she struggled. It took some time but he eventually managed to move her to the bed while Isabelle and Alec slipped quietly out.

Jace met Isabelle's eyes just before she disappeared. He nodded, and she seemed to hesitate before sweeping out and shutting the door quietly behind her.

Jace bent down to his girlfriend's level, his eyes never leaving her face as he surveyed her. As his eyes passed over her bruises, he stored away what that did to him, how it turned his freezing muscles into fire and how he was sure he could explode if he gave in. But he stored that for later, because he could not afford to get angry and to scare Clary any further.

"Clary who did this to you," Jace whispered, and found he could not quite keep the devastation out of his voice.

"What's done is done. I just want to forget about it. Please grant me that," She whispered, looking down at her knees. Jace reached up and touched her face, causing the girl to gasp softly and still.

"I can't let this go. I won't. You're scared of me Clary." She finally looked up at him, tears quickly filling her eyes and then dropping. Jace went to move them, but she moved away from his grasp and backward up the bed.

"Everyone's overreacting. I even did. But I'm okay now. We're okay. Jace, please-"

"You are not okay Clary! I'm not going to say it again, we're not dropping this. You will tell me. Please. I love you. Let me avenge you, let me help you. Let me fix this."

"You can't fix this!" She finally shrieked, coming undone.

"It has happened and there is no going back and I just have to deal with it!"

"You're not talking about the bruises then." Jace said very, very quietly. Clary stopped.

The deadly silence was back again.

"They... they did something else to you, didn't they." Jace said in that same quiet tone. His eyes were fixed very, very intently on her face as he watched, knowing he would not get her answer by words but by her actions.

"Of course I'm just talking about the bruises. What else could I possibly be talking about?" Clary tried to laugh it off as she grabbed the pillow and hugged it to her chest.

"Rape."

Once it was said, it could not be taken back. Clary's fingers turned white as she gripped the material hard, and she found herself uncapable of breathing.

She was drowning, but she still managed to fight. That's what she was, a fighter.

"Don't-Don't be silly!"

"I'm not. I think I'm right on it. Give me the pillow, please, Clary." To anyone it would sound as if he was quite emotionless, but that was only because of everything he was trying to hold back. He felt at any given moment, one push, one wrong word would be his undoing and he would explode. He had never felt so many, and such strong emotions before. He didn't know how to deal with it and if it was anyone but Clary, he simply wouldn't.

She held it closer to her chest. How did they know? Both Isabelle and Jace-how could they know?

She had always been a terrible liar.

He didn't wait for her to argue, he shot forward and pulled it away from her, and then, ignoring her shrieks of protests, he very grimly took the jacket off her.

"STOP IT! GET OFF! GET OFF THIS IS MY BODY THIS ISN'T YOURS, GET OFF!" Clary felt as if her throat would rip open. She was giving everything she could into this but like before, it was simply not enough.

Jace was staring down at the remains of her dress. Although he had been lead to this conclusion, seeing it was very different to assuming. Now, he knew. And knowing this was like a poison. It shot through him like darkness overtakes light, blackening him, leaving nothing good left. His heart was slamming against his ribcage so loudly that it deafened his ears.

But nothing could quiet the pain or the rage he felt. How could you feel so much at once? How could you feel so hot and so cold at the same time?

Jace found he was crying. Clary saw this, and reached for the jacket, but he held it out of her reach.

"You can't hide from this, I can't. Please don't hide from me." He whispered. Clary sat back and buried her head into her knees as sobs began to wrack through her, until she was crying so loudly that Jace couldn't just sit there anymore. He moved to her side, trying not to let her flinch hurt him, or the way she shied away from his touch as he gently put his hand on her shoulder.

"I want to hold you, I want to take you away from this. I don't know how to fix this Clary but I'm here and I'm not leaving you. I love you so much baby, you're safe now. You will never not be safe again. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry baby." He whispered what he could to her, making sure that what he said was true and could be done. He never promised her it would be okay, because she wouldn't be for a long time, and neither would he.

x.

x.

It was Isabelle who bathed Clary. The two came down the stairs, looking worse for the wear. Usually stylish Isabelle hadn't even fixed her eye make up, which had smudged beneath in black clumps from her tears. Her hair that had been in a high pony tail at the start of the night now had so many strands out that it couldn't even be classified as one. Clary was void of make up, her hair in a careless messy bun. A huge hoodie sheltered her, with matching pants that were too big. Jace understood this as her hiding, and all it did was feed fuel to the flame.

"Clary. I need to know everything. Who did this, what they did, everything." Jace began grimly. Clary looked at him. Her expression was one of defeat, and her tone was just as lifeless.

"What's the point? It's done. It can't be undone. Action against it and talking about it won't change that." Her willingness to give up was almost contagious.

"Need to know Clary."

"You do realise making me retell it, is making me relive it?" Clary's tone was still void of anything, but Jace could hear everything she wasn't saying. Could hear her pleading, could hear her anger. How dare he ask her of this? He could hear that accusation ringing loudly through the pounding of his heart. Did she think he wanted to hear it? It was going to be the worst time of his life, hearing what they did to her. But knowledge is everything.

"I'm sorry. I do not wish to bring you any more pain Clary. Hearing this is going to kill me. But I must." He held her gaze, making sure she could read his honesty.

Clary sat down, and Isabelle leaned against the fridge, eyes far away. Alec rested his hands on the table, and Jace leaned foward as Clary opened her mouth.

"Okay, well as you know I had to go out that evening.."

x.

x.


	3. Torment

**Please review and tell me what you think and if you'd like me to continue, thank you!**

x.

x.

"...just needed to prove myself..." Clary knew she was talking, but she felt very detached from her tellings, as if she was watching herself tell from outside of her body. Her fingers trailed over the marble table that the four were seated at, drawing up runes that were going through her. Anger suddenly flashed at her so suddenly that she jolted in her spot-_where the fuck had they been when she needed them? _Fingers curled around her hand, bringing it away and into a warm lap. Clary looked over at the other girl, not feeling anything but knowing somewhere in the back of her mind that Isabelle was supporting her as best as she could, and that she loved her. Isabelle rarely showed affection, she was very strong in that sense, just like Jace had been before he had met Clary. So Clary knew she should feel grateful, but she just couldn't feel anything good.

"...but I guess," Clary's voice was so bitter and sour that Isabelle's fingers, that had began stroking her palm, halted, "I ended up doing just the opposite, didn't I?" It was a rhetorical question but it was still answered. Jace, who had been standing there in a tense so rigid that Clary had had the thought that he would be perfect as a model for drawing or painting because _how could someone stand there so still for this long? _It had taken Clary awhile to open her mouth, even after she'd started, she'd had to keep stopping, gulping down air because every time she tried, the words stuck on her dry tongue and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Not your fault Clary. No little horror movie, no story, can ever really prepare you for the wrath of the fucking unstable, twisted people that get off from hurting others, that get off from the power it gives their greedy selves." Jace couldn't keep the anger from his voice, it stroked each word with a vividness that brought the whole sentence to life. Clary looked up, and let her gaze rest onto golden eyes. They seemed to be more of an orangey red gold today, as if the fire from inside him was shining straight through. Jace's expression softened, and he nodded, trying to coax her onwards.

She drew in another breath, and Isabelle squeezed. Clary glanced over at Alec. He'd been silent the whole time, but everything he would have wanted to say was written on his face, from the angry furrowed brows shadowing over sorrow and love that flashed through his eyes, the tense jaw that showed occasionally showed the twitch of a muscle as if he had to hold himself back from saying anything, shouting anything. Again Clary knew that she should feel surprise, and touched by this open display of care, but her body had been numb to any good feelings ever since-

_Ever since-_

God, she couldn't even _think_ about it. How the hell was she going to manage to _tell_ it?

"Alec," She said suddenly, and his gaze snapped to hers somewhat in surprise. She could hear how desperate she sounded, and the others heard it too as their expressions changed into one of cautious confusion.

"Can't...if Jace wants to know so badly... can't um, can't Magnus just look into my head or something? Is this really necessary for me to tell this? _Please_." Nausea came upon her, and she placed her hand over her stomach as if her hand could heal it. Alec met Jace's eyes, and Clary felt as if they were locked in a silent conversation. Clary leaned back in her chair as the nausea started to spread, inching up her stomach, pushing against her lungs, which Clary felt release a pained breath.

"Jace," Alec suddenly murmured, but it felt very far away. When had it gotten so damn hot in here-and when had she began to sweat? She felt a worried frown on her face, and the loss of contact from Isabelle, before feeling it again on her shoulder. This time she flinched.

"Clary?" Isabelle said carefully, "Are you still with us?" Even though she was sitting right beside her, the voice sounded far away, too. The question seemed appropriate because Clary didn't feel very _here_ at all.

"Who turned the heater on?" She said very loudly, because, if their voices were far away, wouldn't hers be, as well?

"Clary?"

"It's so hot," She suddenly shot up, the need to be out of this hot room to strong for her to bear. It wrapped around her, suffocating her and taking control over her body so that she couldn't make it do what she wanted to do. She felt herself crumple, and chairs scatter backwards before arms wrapped around her before she could hit the floor.

She would have rather have hit the floor. Couldn't they understand, she didn't want to be touched?

It was too hot to be touched, anyway!

"Let GO!" The scream tore at her throat, ripping out of it and slamming into the face of the person holding her. The arms were familiar, and at the back of her mind she knew what she should be feeling, what these arms used to do for her. But her attackers had taken that way from her, too.

They had taken _everything._

And with that last thought, Clary gave into the darkness she knew she would eventually fall too.

x.

x.

"I had hoped my days of picking through Clary's head were over." Magnus's voice was quiet, with a sadness the trio were now all used to. Jace hadn't said anything since he had put Clary in bed; he hadn't moved-his fists were still clenched into white palms, his eyes still focused with such a fixed look that just watching him pained them. Magnus seemed to be hesitating as he hovered over Clary, his gaze one of affection and an anger that seemed to simmer under the surface with the threat of escaping.

"Magnus I'm sorry. I know you don't want to experience it...but-"

"It's Clary." Magnus held up a hand, not needing his boyfriend to say anything more. It was true, he really didn't want to do this, he didn't want to see what had happened to her, didn't want to stand by helpless and not be able to do anything to the the fucker who had foolishly thought he could commit one of the worse acts and get away with it. If only he had known who Clary was, and who loved her and how many, they definitely would have turned and walked the other way, missing out on one of the biggest wraths that was sure as hell going to be coming their way. And that's why Magnus would do this.

He would also do it because Clary couldn't handle it, and the poor girl had been through enough. She also wouldn't be in the right frame of mind at this time to clearly identity the people involved.

Magnus let out a shaky breath that he hoped the others wouldn't hear. Damn it he had lived 800 years, and never in those 800 years had he met people like the ones he knew now, he'd never allowed himself to knowing what the fallout would be when they were gone and he would still be here. But he felt for each person in this room, it went without needing to say about Alec-but especially Clary.

"Damn it, Clary," He whispered as he reached out, smoothing a loose strand of hair away from her peaceful face. He let out a sigh as he realised this would be the only time for awhile that she would look like that.

"Is it better for her if she's asleep?" Jace's voice was choked, his breathing hitched as if he too was realising this, and the very thought of it made him want to cry, too.

"Yes." Magnus said quietly, and rested his hand on her forehead so gently that it was hard to tell if he was actually touching her or not. Clary's face remained smooth, void of any signs that she felt the presences through her sleep, or Magnus's slight touch, and he took this as a sign to begin.

With eyes closed, he went through the stages that were like hypnosis. He felt the muscles in his body sigh as they loosened and relaxed, his breathing growing quieter as he felt the shift from conscious to being unaware of what was happening in the present world at this very time. With the feeling that could only be described as diving, he felt himself spring into Clary's mind, letting the darkness take him to the blackest corners of her mind. He passed the brink of protection that held this blackness while she slipped, ignored the hissing as they tried to protest. Because of the intrusion of Clary's mind, the unnatural spells that had invaded a place that was meant to be so sacred, her mind was very peculiar and Magnus had more trouble breaking past the brink then he would have thought possible.

Once he was through, his energy so drained that if he was in physical form he would be sweating, he began to sift through her memories.

In the world of consciousness, Jace was looking back and forth between the two connected, straining his eyes to make sure that he would not miss a single thing. Occasionally Clary or Magnus would give a little twitch, or frown lines would appear on each face. A couple of times Alec had had to rush forward and hold an aggravated Jace back, knowing that his boyfriend nor Clary should be disturbed. Alec knew how much it pained Jace to just stand there and once again be helpless. He had kept his hand on his best friend's shoulder, lending him his own strength as he felt the occasional shudders that Jace wasn't even bothering to hide. Isabelle, who'd once been leaning against the door, had slid down, resting against it with her knees up to her chest. A simple glance would find her resting, but anyone who was trained to the eye would see how she held herself, ready to spring into action at any given moment.

This carried on for a few moments before there became an obvious change. Magnus was beginning to shudder, his eyes squeezed tightly together, his hand above Clary's forehead shaking now. As for Clary, her frown on her face was becoming more sour, more darker, the skin around her eyes becoming pinched as both relived her memories. Jace let out a breath and froze, his eyes widening as he stood there and watched his girlfriend be tormented from her own mind. Isabelle stood up slowly, her eyes never leaving the two connected as she too, stood frozen from her position against the door.

"_Don't_-!" A shriek suddenly came from Magnus. The force behind it shot out, capturing all teen's in the room with a slam that sent them rocketing a step back and holding them in that place.

_"Please-stop-that hurts, not you, this doesn't belong to you, please-!"_

_"Kick me in the balls huh? You're fucking full of fire, I love it. I love them fiesty. Let's see if I can put that out hey." _The voice had changed at the third sentence, and Jace broke from his surprise and lunged forward, fuelled by an anger so deep that it consumed all of him. He couldn't see reason anymore, couldn't see that it was just a memory being relived, played by the wrong person. All he could see, taste and feel was that horrible fury.

"Jace, stop!" But it was not Alec and Isabelle's cries of horror that pulled him to a choking stop right before he could get his hands on Magnus, no. It was the thrashing of his girlfriend. Her arms and legs flew in all directions, her body jolting as it moved with her limbs as she fought the memories that had come alive to her. Screams tore her mouth open and her cheeks rose as the shrieking grew in volume and in force.

Jace thought that once you got broken, it wasn't possible to be that completely broken again. He was proved wrong though as he felt the damaged pieces shatter at this very sight of his girlfriend, and he wished so hard that he was almost surprised when it didn't happen; he wished he could take all of her pain, her sorrow, her anger and her fear. He would take it all and bear it if it meant she would be safe in her mind and physically.

Jace grabbed Magnus, yanking him away from his girlfriend and breaking the connection. He didn't stop to see if the warlock was okay, he just continued to the bedside as Clary flew open with a scream that cut off as she gurgled and coughed, before spitting blood everywhere. He went to scoop her up in his arms, but she shied so strongly away from him that she almost tumbled off the bed, her green eyes full of tears and blood trailing at the corner of her mouth. Jace went to reach out again, but he was roughly shoved to the side. Alec's murmurings to Magnus had stopped, and he faintly heard Isabelle's soft gasp as he looked up and into a pair of familiar looking green eyes.

Clary's eyes.

No, _Jocelyn's_ eyes.

_"What have you done to my daughter?"_


	4. Chapter 4

Hell hath no fury like a mother's scorn.

Jace's arm burned from where Jocelyn had grabbed a hold of him with angry hands, the adrenaline she felt giving her the strength to knock him so easily to the side and away from her daughter. Or maybe it was because Jace's entire focus had been on calming Clary down, afraid of her reaction and afraid _for_ her.

Now, his attention was on the older woman, his eyes defiant and jawlines tensed as he tried to smother down the anger he himself felt at being treated like that. After everything, how could she even begin to think that Jace had partaken any action in harming Clary? Had he not proven it to everyone, time and time again how much he loved her? If it had been a different situation, he would have understood the logic as to why Jocelyn had responded the way she had, but this night had been so draining in every way imaginable, and he was wearing thin right now.

"What the _fu_-"

"Jocelyn." A smooth voice cut him off before he could do any further damage himself with a sharp and unthinking tongue. Jace turned as Magnus slipped out of Alec's hold and slinked up towards the two. Jace's eyes moved past the glittery warlock and onto Clary, who was now sitting up with a hand pressed firmly to her forehead, wrinkle lines breaking the smooth skin over her skittering eyes. At the sound of the whimper that escaped her shaking lips, Jace stumbled forwards, and it wasn't Isabelle's sharp, _"Jace!"_ or Alec's _"Don't!"_ that stopped him, it was the snap of Clary's head and the way she stared at him that pinned him to his frozen spot.

The room was silent again.

Jace swallowed and stepped back, and Clary's expression changed into a grimace. She had seem to come back to reality now, even though it still felt like a nightmare to her. Her eyes softened into an apology, and she hoped Jace would be able to tell that she was in fact sorry that this was how things were, and that she didn't understand why she was so scared, but it didn't change the fact that she _was_ terrified.

Magnus was watching Jace with an unreadable expression, before he turned back to Jocelyn who had watched the exchange with narrowed, calculating eyes. She was confused as to the exchanges that had passed and the switch of emotions that her daughter had expressed. Conflicted, she too looked at Jace, her head cocked to the side, before Magnus brought her back with his words.

"...was raped, Josie." Her eyes snapped to his, wide.

"W-_What_?" she whimpered, and Magnus lifted a hand and placed it gently onto her cheek. She flinched at the touch that was meant to be soothing, looking down as her body tried to keep up with all that she was feeling. She felt out of sync with herself; she could not deal with this and because she knew that she couldn't, her body seemed to lock into break down mode.

"She _what_?" she screeched, needing an outlet and finding it as she shoved Magnus away from her. The warlock did not take this personally, and tried to grab Jocelyn's hands, although she only shoved them away too.

"Who _did this_? Who the _fuck_-"

"Jocelyn, you need to calm down." Jace interrupted, his voice cutting thickly through her cries. Jocelyn's eyes snapped to his, and the anger in them shouldn't have surprised Jace but they did. It really was amazing how emotions could show on the outside, that someone could be so angry that when you looked at them, you thought you could see the fire that was raging within them.

"You are telling me to calm down? _You?_" She seemed surprised, and Jace frowned, glancing over at Clary who was fisting the sheets to her face.

"I've had my...um... release and I know, believe me _I know_, but look at her," he said quietly, gesturing towards her.

Clary looked up as she felt five pairs of eyes on her, and she let out a squeak before pulling the covers over her face. She was going back to a childhood habit- if you can't see them, they can't see you, and it was surprising at how safe she felt at that thought.

"Clary, darling," Jocelyn moved over to her, pulling the sheet off her a sticky face. She swept her fingers under Clary's eyes-she hadn't even realised she'd been crying again.

"I'm so sorry baby." She whispered, and Clary sat up, not taking her eyes off her mother as Jocelyn continued to wipe her skin, her thumbs moving in soothing circles.

"Mum," Clary said, her voice wobbly.

"I know," Jocelyn whispered back, halting her movements. Clary bit her lip, before she hesitantly leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her mother's bony shoulders, pressing her face into her neck.

"I'm here baby, I'm here."

Jace's face went blank as he watched this. He couldn't help feeling the same sense of _deja vu_-when she had gone to Simon instead of going to him. He knew it was selfish, that these two matters were very different, and of course Clary would want her mother. His sanity had taken a real hit tonight, but the shattered part that remained was screaming out to him that it was very logical that Clary would be scared of him after the traumatic and violent thing she had gone through tonight. However, Jace wasn't interested in being logical right now. He wasn't interested in the idea that because this was a mundane thing, that it should be left up to the mundane world- as in the police should deal with it. He wasn't stupid, they would never get the justice that they deserved that way. In his eyes it should be Clary that was the judge, she had had this-

_This-_

This _crime_ committed against her, she should get to decide in the punishment, and Jace would only be too happy in delivering that sentence out.

"Jace," A voice murmured at his side. With a shake of his head, he realised he had been staring at the unfolding scene of mother and daughter for a few moments now. He looked over at Isabelle's worried face.

"Come on, we have to talk to Magnus about what he knows. Come," Isabelle tugged at his arm gently, and he allowed himself to be dragged out of the room.

He pressed a hand to his face and rubbed at it wearily as he sighed, letting his shoulders droop but feeling none of the tension leave his body. He felt a hand glide across his back in soothing circles, and he peered down at his sister through stretched fingers.

"This is so fucked Iz. I never thought... I never thought the hardest thing I would go through would be a mundane experience such as this." He let out another breath, and Isabelle's hand stopped on his back as she looked up at him.

"I know. Nothing ever prepares you for things like this." Her hand moved up to her shoulder and she gave a gentle squeeze.

"I don't think I... I don't think I can do this," The next breath he let out was shaky, and Isabelle heard the gurgle he made in his throat as he furiously swallowed.

"It's okay to cry Jace," she finally said softly.

"And you can do this. Because you have to. You love Clary-and that's why you'll do it." She said it as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Which, it probably was.

"I won't cry," Jace said furiously, this time rubbing his hands across his eyes as if to hold the tears in. Isabelle stopped suddenly, and turned to Jace, face serious.

"This may be the only chance you get to cry Jace, the rest will be finding out what happened and who it was, going after them and killing them, and then comforting Clary. Go have a shower, and cry. It'll help." She didn't give him a chance to respond or to disagree, instead turned on her heel and strode up the hallway. Jace didn't move from his spot, only when Isabelle's voice broke his scrambled thoughts.

"We're here if you need Jace. But I know you, and I figure you'd want to be alone and not want anyone to know. I'll cover for you." Jace looked up at her then, his eyes suspiciously wet.

"Thanks Iz. You're a...you're a great sister." Jace wasn't very good with compliments, but Isabelle got the unsaid message as well. She gave him a tiny, sad smile.

"You're welcome."

x.

x.

Clary had fallen asleep moments after everyone had politely excused themselves from the room. Jocelyn had decided to lay with her for another ten minutes, just to be sure her daughter was asleep. Her chest rose and fell with deep breaths, and her face lightened until it was completely smooth and void of any emotion. She looked so peaceful compared to before. Jocelyn kissed her forehead gently and pushed away the red tendrils that always escaped and curled down her face. She was glad that Clary was sleeping, and she wouldn't be surprised if that was what she spent most of her time doing over the next couple of days. It was her body's way of recovering- both physically and mentally. The emotional aspect of things may be a longer process. Jocelyn stood up from the bed and made sure Clary remained in a peaceful slumber, before walking out to find the others. She knew Magnus would be discussing what he had found in her mind, and she needed to be there. As much as she knew none of them wanted to hear the gruesome tale, they all needed to. Whether it be for finding out what really happened to her to be able to tend to her and avenge her, or just knowing because they loved and cared about her.

Jocelyn popped her head around the kitchen area, where the four were sitting at the table in a circle.

Magnus spotted her first.

"Come in, Josie," he beckoned with her old nickname. She tried to smile, but it came out as a shaky grimace. With knowing looks, they made room for her, and Jocelyn slid in, wedged between Isabelle and Alec.

"Well?" She sighed to Magnus. He looked at her carefully, and she met his glance evenly. They had been friends for a long time. She highly respected him for what he had done for her, as well as being grateful for the spells he had made for Clary and the paintings he had brought from her. In return he too respected her for doing what she thought was right as the parent and wife to a psychotic, evil man and also from running away from a world he had once hated.

"She was jumped by two men," Magnus finally began quietly.

Jace's fists curled on the table, veins sticking out against white skin.

"Go on," He said in a deadly voice. Magnus paused. He really didn't want to be the one to tell this, it was not his story to tell. But he loved Clary, and he knew how painful it would be to tell this, especially to Jace and her mother.

"I'm not going to go too much into detail here... I'm sure you could get the gist of their character from things that were said earlier. Clary tried to run, she tried to fight...you would be proud of her at how much she actually fought." All of them flinched at this-they felt many things but proudness was not one.

"...they of course, being two males, pinned her down. She didn't beg, not at her first. She kept fighting, fighting while they stripped her and mocked her. The only way they shut her up wasn't the abuse, it was the dick going in her mouth."

Jace slammed his hand down on the table and stood up, his whole body shaking as he ran his hand through his hair, muttering cursers. Isabelle was staring at Magnus in horror, and Alec looked as if he would throw up. Jocelyn leaned back in her chair, unable to comprehend this. Magnus reached out and took her hand, shooting glances between Isabelle and Alec before looking up at Jace.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked quietly.

"I cannot hear this," Jace's voice was raw from pain, and he turned on his heel as he paced one end from the kitchen to the other.

"_I cannot hear this."_ he repeated.

"If you can't handle it, then go. Go sit with Clary," Alec said quietly, looking up at Jace sympathetically. Jace rounded on him, his eyes wild and his hair sticking up.

"Can't handle it?" he seethed. Alec swallowed but looked definitely up into Jace's smouldering gold eyes.

"Yes. If you can't handle it, it's fine. You're not weak. Nobody expects you to do this." Jace looked around the table at that statement, finding the truth in his words from Magnus and Isabelle's identical expressions. However, his gaze landed last on Clary's mother, and he knew there was a reason for this. Jocelyn was very much like Clary- a strong, independent woman who would give it to you straight. She did not hide behind emotions, instead wore and bore them true. And Jocelyn's expression was clear, that she did expect Jace to handle it, because she was too. Jace was the only person, in Jocelyn's eyes, that's love for Clary almost reached hers. To Jace, it surpassed it.

"I can handle this. I have to." Jace sat down, his hands under the table as they clawed into it as he tried to compose himself.

And then he realised that was stupid. In this situation you could not pretend to be okay, to feel okay and you shouldn't damn well have to pretend to. He leaned back in his seat too and nodded at Magnus. While Magnus took some time in continuing, Jace thought at how he had wanted to hear the story from Clary. That he had needed to. But the adrenaline he had felt had worn off, leaving him feeling sick and leaving him not wanting to know the details of what had happened to the girl he loved.

But he had to. So he would.

"Clary of course...got it out and said some things about it that...which, well, got her hit a few more times." Jace closed his eyes at this, knowing that he had probably rubbed off on Clary more then he should have. That somehow if he wasn't the way he was, Clary wouldn't feel the need to be so sharp with her tongue.

"Jace, my daughter's always been like that." Jocelyn whispered, and Jace's eyes snapped open as he read the understanding in the older woman's gaze.

"She's her mother's daughter," She gave a weary small smile, and Jace nodded slightly. They couldn't blame themselves. They could only blame the people who had done this as hard as it was.

"They tried again and this time she bit down hard. After that, they didn't try again. They stripped her, and when they got down to her last clothing...her underwear, that's when she began to plead. She offered cash, she offered to find some hookers for them-but what Clary didn't understand was that it wasn't what they were doing in the first place that gave them a rush, it wasn't the sex. It was the power they got from it." Magnus's voice turned to disgust. Through the tale, it had been thinly veiled until those words.

"People get a rush out of dominating people like that. Out of them being scared, out of the act itself, out of everything. They weren't gentle either. They were rather forceful and as it was Clary's first time-" he broke off at that detail, and Alec stared at the table, while Isabelle looked over at Jace who had gone completely white.

"They are thieves as well then," he managed in a choked whisper, his stomach curled with hate. He had thought that he could hear nothing worse, that the damage inflicted by the wrongs had already been so much, that there wasn't anything that could make it worse. But hearing this information that he had suspected and finding it to be true, sent a new hammer of pain stabbing through him, and he dropped his head into his hands.

"My poor baby." Jocelyn whispered, curling her fingers into her palms. She tried to focus on the sharp stinging it brought, but it could not replace the dull ache she felt within her.

"I know things seem horrible, like they could never get better," Isabelle spoke, her voice quiet but sure,

"But we will recover. We will find these humans and do to them what seems fit, I feel as if their manhood should be removed and shoved up their asses but that's just me. Clary will recover too. It will be a hard process but she has all of us, and I for one am not going anywhere. I will make sure that when she is ready to have sex, that it is special for her. Candle lights, rose petals and all that shit that actually doesn't happen in real life. It will be hard. It will be baby steps at first. But there is a start, and there is a way. There may be no finish but we will get her back onto the right track." By the end of Isabelle's declaration, the entire room was silent.

Magnus, Jocelyn and Jace were all staring in some sort of bewilderment at the youngest member at the table.

But it was Alec, who said with a knowing and almost proud tone,

"I always knew beneath that exterior was another mum."

x.

x.

**A/N: Not too sure about this but Luke and Simon will be in the next chapter.. **

**I know Jace kinda changed-like at the start he really needed to hear what happened, so he could go out and kill whatever happened. However, due to the events that have just occurred, he's come down from it and is just drained. He doesn't want to hear about it now because there's nothing he can do to change it, just has to sit and listen to what happened to the person he loves more than anything. **

**Anyway please review, and sorry if it's slow but ... that's probably how it would be in real life, no? I wasn't planning on going anywhere with this but I think I have somewhat of an idea. So please review and tell me what you think or what you'd like to see, I'd really appreciate it.**

**As-Long-As-I'm-Around**


	5. Childlike

**A/N: 39 people have this in their favourite stories and 52 are following so how do I only have 25 reviews :( It would absolutely mean the world to me if after you've read this you could just comment a thought. Not only does it help with a writer's confidence, or speed up updates, but it also lets me know what you guys want, what you guys think i could improve on and all that funky jazz. So not to sound too desperate here, but please stop and review. Anyway as an appreciation token I've taken the time to reply to everyone who reviewed chapter four. And of course, thank you to everyone who reviewed in the first place and asked me to continue this because you guys are the reason that this story has progressed. And of course thank you to everyone who DOES read this and has followed it/favourited it, it does mean a lot to me either way.**

**I'm not too sure about this chapter, I think the ending of it won't really satisfy, and I think people will think that it's unrealistic. Read it and I'll explain why I chose the path I did for it. I have an idea of where this is going now and it's... it's about to get pretty dark.**

**greygirl2358: **Thank you so much for your review :) That is so sad :( I think I know a couple of people who have had people force themselves onto them, and only a couple who have actually been raped.. it's horrible how common it is. Well I'm glad I got it accurate-with the whole getting a kick out of it from the power they hold over their victims. It's disgusting, I don't understand how you can enjoy that, I'm sure there's a whole physiological (did I get that word right) side to it but it's not something I could see myself looking into because I don't WANT to understand it. Yeah, well they are trained so well for fighting demons that I thought, what if their undoing was a simple mundane or two? I'm sorry it has you in tears but it's such a huge compliment to me so thank you! Yeah I know Magnus and Clary's relationship is a little more... lovey in this story but I believe he does love her, because he saw her grew up and was so much in her mind. But yeah I like them too in this haha. Thank you for taking the time to write that :)

**xxFallenVampirexx:** Thank you so much for your review :) Yeah, I think that even when someone goes through that and the logical side of you knows that it's reasonable for them to act in a certain way, a part of you is still jealous- I think it's very human, and Jace IS human (though we all like to think of him as God-like haha) I tried to portray him as best as I could, I wanted to do him justice he's such a good strong character, so what you said means a lot, thank you :)

**WeAllBreakTheSame:** Thank you so much for your review :) I was just going to leave it as the twoshot but I had a few people that wanted to know more, and I'm just as surprised as you guys are about the change in the relationship, so I'm glad you like it :) I wanted to do as realistic as a version as I could.

**teenreader14:** Thank you so much for your review :) Haha I'll try! Especially if people review, that just feeds my motivation!

**Soaking In The Reign:** Thank you so much for your review :) YOU are actually the one who is amazing! Do you like how I portrayed Isabelle? I do haha, I think the movie kinda undermined her and Clary's relationship a little bit...I think they really do have a good friendship!

**TrintaC:** Thank you so much for your review :)I'm sorry it's brutal to read :L I should probably put up more of a warning... but to be honest I'm just as surprised as the turn it's taken as anyone else is.. (if you guys are surprised) And to be honest it can be a bit draining to write. I mean, first of the topic at hand is, well... it's rape and it's a really serious thing to write about. It always makes me a bit nervous to post the next chapter because I think if you're going to write about it you have to be very... I can't find the words to explain it, you just have to be careful I guess? Also, trying to pinpoint character's reactions that aren't your own when you're not sure yourself how you would react can be really difficult, and you have to get it really close or else it doesn't work and I hope I've done an accurate job of that! And to answer your question no I don't have a personal experience in this, thank you for asking :) And i would love Jace and his friends there too! And Clary will as well don't worry :)

**xXTheMadHatter'sWifexX:** I was only going to do reviews for chapter 4 but because you've reviewed a lot I thought I'd reply to you here :) Thank you so much for your reviews! I'm sorry I almost made you cry, but that's a really big compliment for me so thank you for sharing that with me! I hope questions are beginning to get answered but if not feel free to ask them and I'll see what I can do :) It's not just Clary's reaction that I'm trying to share, it's everyone's because I think that's important to share, not just Clary's, or not just Jace's, but also her mother and Isabelle and Magnus and Alec, all who care about her and all who will be involved in helping her with the process. Oh yeah and of course Simon and Luke! Thanks, Jace is so hard to get haha, like I've mentioned he's already such a good strong character and I don't want to mess him up, so that means a lot that I told it from his perspective well! Don't worry, Jace and a few others will get what they think is justice ;) Clary will soon remember that Jace is safe to her, she's just been through a huge thing and isn't coping very well as expected, but they will get there. Like Jace said though in the first chapter but she won't be okay for awhile. Haha I'm quite attached to this story so I won't give up on it, but as long as people like you keep reviewing, I'll keep posting ASAP :)  
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Isabelle's declaration seemed to signal the end of the meeting. Everyone dispersed, with Alec and Isabelle receiving a phone call from their mother and being called into another room so that projection could be used. Jocelyn had no idea where this room was and frankly she didn't care. It was almost surreal to her that every day things were still occurring around them, and that business had to prioritize over...

Over…

_God_ she couldn't even_ think it-_ over someone they all cared about deeply. But they had to, especially since for now they had all agreed to keep it silent and under wraps.

Jace had gone to watch over Clary in case she woke up, with direct orders from both Magnus and Jocelyn that if there was any disturbance, he was to come and get them immediately, and not try and investigate himself.

With an incredulous expression and an eyeroll he had walked off with an air and clear intense look that easily read '_You are joking right, I _love_ Clary of course I don't want to scare her, I only want what's best for her as if I have from the beginning.' _Well, that's what he felt, but he was pretty damn sure he got most of the message across.

This left Jocelyn and Magnus alone in a kitchen that seconds ago had seemed so small, but now only felt large. Jocelyn turned away from her old friend, who's knowing eyes seemed heavy on her petite back.

"I have to call Lucian... and Simon needs to know," Her fumbling hands made their way to her pockets and she grasped the iphone with shaking fingers. It was then that she felt a hand fold over hers, and pry away her phone to hold in their own.

"Josie," Magnus said quietly as he tucked the phone into his side pocket. Jocelyn's eyes snapped up to his, before she looked pointedly away. She had always found that if you find an object and stare at it, looking at it's design and texture, that she could keep away the tears. Perhaps it was an artistic trait, but it was no use today. Everything had changed, nothing worked the way it should anymore in her world. Tears sprouted out, and Magnus wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"If only spells could fix this, but I don't think anything but time can heal the pain. Come on, Josie. I'll call Luke and Simon. You need a break." He steered her out of the spacious kitchen that seemed cold without it's usual inhabitants, and up the stairs.

"Here," He opened a door and pushed the woman gently inside, before peering around curiously at the room he had chosen. It was bare besides the single bed placed in the middle with the chest of drawers to the right, and the desk pressed against the front wall. Notepads, pens and books were stacked neatly to the side, and Magnus led Jocelyn over and sat her down.

"Here," He said again as he placed a notebook and some pencils in front of her. She frowned up at him in confusion as she ran her fingers absentmindedly along the pages. A small sense of comfort tugged at her, and she found herself looking down at the pencils and the paper as if they beckoned to her.

"Draw it out, Josie," Magnus's voice was far away now, and she was barely aware of her small nod of agreement, just the way the pencils felt and the way they steadied her shaking limbs.

And Jocelyn began to draw.

Her gift wrapped around her like a protective blanket, shielding her from her pain and directing it through the flow of her fingers and onto the page in front of her. She drew out her rage and her fear, shaded her love and protection. Her forehead was creased in concentration, her body leant forward in a tense pose that looked painful, but was not to the artist herself. She was so deep in her method of coping, in her drawing that when a hand pressed gently against her shoulder, she jumped. The pencil flew out of her hand and rolled slowly across the desk, before falling soundlessly to the floor.

Luke's usual warm eyes were filled with unshed tears, his gaze tender, but Jocelyn could see the barely contained rage simmering under the surface, could feel it in the air that seemed to wrap around the two of them and bound them together.

"Lucian-" she had barely gasped out before he pulled her up and crushed her against his chest. His hand fitted into her a usual bun and he yanked at the clip that held it up, letting it scatter to the floor as his hand mattered into her mass of red curls.

"Josie I'm sorry," He breathed, and she just pressed herself into him as if she could disappear inside of him. It was a strange feeling, that need to be safe and protected. She had always been independent, proving it time and time again as she ran away from Valentine, and lived a life alone with Clary. Even when Luke had come into the picture, she hadn't needed him like she needed him now, and that terrified her.

"Clary, should we take her to a doctor? She may need to be checked..." Luke trailed off at the small whimper Jocelyn made at this suggestion. She should have thought about that, especially since Clary had been a virgin beforehand.

_Before..._

She closed her eyes, fisting the collar of Luke's shirt between clenched fingers.

"I didn't think... I..."

"I know. I know, love. That's why I'm here, let me help. Let us help, Josie." She nodded, and buried her face into his neck, breathing his familiar scent in. God knows she couldn't do this by herself, and no one would let her do it by herself, least of all Jace and Luke. Luke let her stay like this for a moment, before he pulled away, keeping a hold of shoulders.

"I brought Simon with us, I don't think she'll want Jace there. And she may put up a bit of a fight." Jocelyn's eyes narrowed as she studied him.

"You say this as if it were something you were familiar with."

Luke was very quiet as he stared back at her.

"Your sister?" Jocelyn guessed with a small gasp, bringing her hands over her mouth in dawning horror, realisation hitting her like a brick. Luke just looked at her gravely, and Jocelyn reached for one of his hands, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Luke-"

"Clary, Josie," Luke cut her off firmly but gently, and she nodded before allowing herself to be steered out of the room. Before she left it, she glanced over her shoulder longingly at her work as it sat crooked beneath scattered pens, before closing the door behind her.

o.

o.

Simon wasn't that much of an emotional person, and even the people who could bring it out of him, didn't get to see it that much. He could pinpoint a couple of times when he had shown it, and that was when he had confessed his unrequited, as Jace liked to repeatedly put it, love to Clary, when Clary had kissed Jace at the Court, when he had had to come to terms with who he was and when his mother had disowned him. Simon usually hid his emotions behind a stoic facade, one that only the people who knew him could see right through.

Like Clary.

His fists clenched as he paced outside the Institute in blind rage, a rage he didn't see fit to even trying to contain. His best friend had been violated, attacked, hurt, damaged, broken, forced...he knew there were other words for it but he was too furious to even be able to see straight. His best friend had had these vile acts done to her, and he didnt know how to cope with it. There were many times he had shouted in vain at the universe, he'd used to shout at God to when he'd been able to, but this had to be at the top of the list as sucky things that happened to good people. One of those moments where you wonder what the fuck was going on up there, and who the fuck was in charge. Clary Fray was a good person, she was the sweetest girl Simon knew. He also didn't know a lot of human girls, granted, and he may be a bit biased when it came down to it, but he knew if he had to ask anyone who knew her, outside of her loved ones, they would have the same response. Sure, Clary was a spitfire, she knew how to stand up for herself and made up for being small with that mouth of hers, but Clary was an innocent, good girl, with a huge heart. He remembered when they'd discussed how they would have their first times. Clary had been naive, saying how she wanted rose petals and candle lights and the music, and even though Simon had scoffed and said that his first time would probably be in the back of a car, hopefully not Eric's mind you, he had vowed to make sure that Clary got that, whether it be from him or for someone else.

The universe was a fucking asshole.

Simon stopped short as the gates opened, and Luke slipped out alone. He let out a snarl and continued pacing.

"We're all angry, but you need to tone it down. Clary's not in any state to handle...violent tendencies, no matter how rightly earned they are." Luke said carefully, eyeing the vampire.

"Clary would hate to be treated like this." Simon hissed out, coming to another half in front of the older man.

"Yes well, Clary isn't...Clary at the moment." Simon flinched, and then held up a hand as his hearing picked up on something.

"Shh for a second," He said quietly, narrowing his eyes as he listened.

Clary had awoken from her slumber, only to be surrounded with sympathetic and concerned faces. She looked at each and every one of them-Jace, her mother, Isabelle, Magnus, Alec-without seeing any of them before folding her arms across her chest.

"Clary, darling. We have to...we have to take you to the hospital." Jocelyn finally spoke her, her voice cautious as if she were talking to a wild animal. Clary's eyes shot up, and she angrily met her mother's hesitant expression.

"The hospital? Why!" She demanded, her voice cracking against the otherwise silent room.

"We don't know... we don't know if you-you need to be checked out, honey." Jocelyn said quietly, her expression softening into a grimace that Clary couldn't read.

"I'm fine." She said stonily, not meeting anyone's eyes this time.

"I think we all know that you're not. It's really for a precaution. And I'm sorry to say, it's not up for discussion." Jocelyn's voice was firm but gentle as she moved to help her daughter up.

"Oh nothing's up for discussion with me is it. I just have to do what everyone says, right?" Her voice cut through each and every one of them sharply, causing all to freeze. A tortured expression fitted across Jace's face, and Clary felt a spark of guilt before it was pushed down with anger. _How dare Jocelyn or any of them for that matter demand anything of her? _

_"_I won't go and you can't make me." She said stubbornly, glaring at everyone in the room.

"Clary, we would never do anything to hurt you, or do anything that wasn't good for you. You have to go to the doctors, we don't know what other damage this has done to you." Jace said very quietly. His tone was gruff, and he swallowed and looked away, blinking furiously. Clary looked at him for a moment, and she knew she would be feeling something else at the sight of Jace almost crying, but she was too focused on the anger. Anger was good, it kept her from breaking down into a pathetic, little girl. She had already been degraded, and she did not wish to feel that way ever again. She held her head up high and looked at her mother, ignoring everyone else.

"No."

Jocelyn threw Jace a grim look, and he nodded back just as grimly. A wave of confusion washed over Clay before she realised what was going to happen too late. Jace grabbed her softly, before handing her to Jocelyn who staggered at first before righting herself up.

Until Clary started to scream and thrash, which found both girls tumbling to the floor in a tangled heap.

"I'm not going, I don't want to, you can't make me!" Simon snapped back to himself as Luke cursed, and then raced back through the gates and disappeared through the door.

"Luke bring her to me, I can help her." Simon said quietly, knowing that Luke would be able to hear him. He listened carefully as Luke barged through the door, spoke soft words to Clary, which seemed to get through to her more than what Jocelyn, Jace and Isabelle were saying. He could hear the grunt as Luke picked her up, and then the footsteps that grew louder and louder with each passing moment, before he was out the door and through the gate and beside Simon. A red faced, wild eyed Clary looked up at him, and Simon knew that his expression was somewhat similar, even though he hadn't been having the tantrum.

He cleared his throat and took a deep breath,

"Still throwing those tantrums to be carried Fray?" He held his breath, his eyes scanning over her face. Clary's expression relaxed somewhat, and Luke frowned as he shifted the young girl in his arms, his expression wary at where this was going.

"Come on, you're a big girl now. Luke may be a werewolf but he's getting to old to carry you. Sorry Luke," Simon threw an apologetic glance at him before training his eyes to Clary's face, watching every twinge, every movement around the mouth. She seemed more relaxed now at his attempt at humour.

"I'll carry you. Come on now," He beckoned cautiously, and Luke slowly knelt down and let Clary go, removing his arms around her hesitantly. Clary stood there, unsure of what to do, her eyes going back and forth between someone she called father and Simon. Jace, Isabelle, Alec, Magnus and Jocelyn had arrived at the steps now, staying still and silent. Once again, Jace felt the deja vu so strongly that his knees buckled, that same selfish jealousy that pummelled him mercilessly. Isabelle took his hand, and Jace who was out of all odds tonight, did something he would never do again. He let her, and squeezed her hand.

"I'll take care of you. Remember the old wolf pack? Wow, shitty words to use huh. I mean, they bring a whole other meaning to it. But it's Lewis and Fray." He coaxed her, still smiling at her. Clary straightened, and her expression morphed into recognition before she launched herself at Simon. He picked her up, hugging her tightly to him, as well as being careful of her injuries. He met Luke's grateful expression and nodded before he mouthed,

'Lets go.'

o.

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**A/N: Okay so Clary is feeling extremely overwhelmed. She's been through this traumatic experience, and she doesn't know how to deal with it. She's gone back to be like a child in that sense... if that makes sense. Simon knows how to deal with Clary because he's known her his whole life. They are family. In the books Clary even says she loves Simon like she SHOULD love Jace (who she thinks is her brother) And if you get mad at me for it being Simon to coax her back into herself, then you're missing the entire friendship between Clary and Simon which I think is beautiful. It's the same reason she went to him in the movie instead of Jace. THEY ARE FAMILY and will always have that bond. It doesn't change her strong love that she has with Jace at all. Anyway hope that clears it up. And I hope it's not insensitive, because that's now how I was trying to come across. It was just Simon dealing with a child like Clary. Please review :) **


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